Sheldon: Amy, do you think I'm always correcting other people?
Amy: No, not all the time. I mean, just last week, Penny ended a sentence with a preposition. You didn't even mention it.
Sheldon: True. I just waited until I got home and screamed into a pillow.

Sheldon: Oh, hey, Leonard. Is the podcast too loud
Leonard: I didn't hear a podcast.
Amy: I told you no one could hear it.
Sheldon: Well, I heard Ira Glass, so he's either in your earbuds or clinging to the ceiling like a gecko.

Sheldon: I'm having a problem in my marriage. I've upset my wife and I don't know how to make it right.
Professor Proton: (chuckles) And you're and you're coming to me for advice? I-I upset my wife every time I woke up in the morning.

President Siebert: You know, Caltech has 38 Nobel laureates. If you win, you and Amy will be 39 and 40.
Sheldon: Ooh! Dibs on 39.
Amy: What's the difference?
Sheldon: Wha- You are right, there is no difference at all.

Raj: Okay, let's have a whiff. Oh. (sniffs) Hmm. Smells like Paco Rabanne.
Stuart: Ooh, you're good. I bought it at a swap meet. It's actually called "Smells Like Paco Rabanne."

Raj: And please, if you have any problems, any questions, call me immediately, okay?She's my baby.
Bert: It shouldn't come up, but just in case: where could I buy a dog that looks exactly like her? Kidding. If she dies, I'll just tell you.

Amy: Thank you, your majesties. Thank you to the Nobel Committee. We are deeply honored. I would just like to take this moment to say to all the young girls out there who dream about science as a profession: go for it. It is the greatest job in the world. And if anybody tells you you can't, don't listen. And now, speaking of not listening, my husband, Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

Beverly Hofstadter: Have you calmed down?
Leonard: No, I'm not calm. You really hurt me.
Beverly Hofstadter: That wasn't my intention.
Leonard: It doesn't matter what you intended. What matters is the way you made me feel. Actually, the way y-you've always made me feel.
Beverly Hofstadter: I see, so you're here to tell me all the ways that I failed you as a mother.
Leonard: Yeah. And get comfortable, 'cause i-it's a long list. [exhales]
Beverly Hofstadter: Is it happening soon?
Leonard: You know what? It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter, you're never gonna change. If I want you to accept me for me, then I guess I'm gonna have to accept you for you. So I forgive you.
Beverly Hofstadter: I didn't ask you to forgive me.
Leonard: Too bad. I forgive you anyway. And I forgive myself for taking so long to do it. Oh, my God, that feels so good.
Beverly Hofstadter: I must admit, it it does feel good.
Leonard: What does?
Beverly Hofstadter: You forgiving me. It means a lot. Thank you.

Wil Wheaton: No. All of you. You're just trying to use me to get close to my famous friends. Do you know how that makes me feel?
Howard: Flattered?
Wil Wheaton: Used.
Sheldon: I was gonna guess that.
Wil Wheaton: One of the worst things about being a celebrity is you never know if people like you for you. Well, thanks for letting me know.

Raj: Hey, uh, can you pass me that drill?
Sheldon: Yeah, fun fact about Amish barn raising, they don't use any power tools.
Penny: Amy, make him stop.
Amy: No. If he tires himself out now, he'll sleep better tonight.

Penny: Well, 30 years from now, are you gonna hide from me because I'm so scary?
Leonard: Hey, I don't think you're scary. Yes, I flinch when you make sudden moves, but that says more about my childhood than you.
Penny: Aw.
*Penny goes to huge Leonard, he flinches and backs away. He recovers and hugs her.*

Penny: You know, you go on and on about wanting things to stay the same, but you've changed a lot since I met you.
Sheldon: Oh, you are a mean drunk.

Leonard: Why did you pull this Russian paper?
Raj: Oh, it was cited in this paper over here, so I thought we should check it out.
Leonard: Mm, it's not translated. Maybe we should talk to Howard; his Russian's pretty good.
Raj: We don't need Howard. I've got Google Translate. Okay, here we go, from Russian to English. "Examinations of moose chowder in lemon parachutes." Yeah, okay, now I know why this app is free.

Leonard: Are you kidding me? You just found out that a woman who has loved and cared for you for 12 years is pregnant, and all you can say is you're relieved that she's not gonna get you sick?
Sheldon: There's no need for a recap. I was there.

Howard: I think I'm capable of babysitting.
Bernadette: Don't call it babysitting; they're your children. It's called parenting.
Howard: What's the difference?
Bernadette: You don't get paid.