Sheldon: You keep in mind that my sharply-worded comments on Yelp.com recently took down a muffin store.

Sheldon: Thank you Kripke for depriving me of the opportunity to share my news with my friends.
Kripke: My pleasure.
Sheldon: My thank you was not sincere.
Kripke: Hmm, but my pleasure is.

Mary Cooper: Raj is it? Still having trouble talking to the ladies? Because you know at our church we have a woman who's an amazing healer. Mainly she does crutch and wheelchair people. But I bet she'd be willing to take a shot at whatever third-world demon is running around inside of you.

Sheldon: Oh Lord, this can't be more humiliating.
Leonard: No, no, no, give him a minute.

Penny: Honey, you don't have to thank me every time we have sex, sweetie.

Penny: Hay Leonard, check this out. * Throws won-ton in the air and catches it in her mouth *
Sheldon: Leonard, she's doing it again.
Leonard: I think it upsets Sheldon when you play with the food.
Sheldon: No, it upsets Sheldon when she willy-nilly takes it from the containers with out guard of equitable distribution. * Turns to Raj * This is essentially why you have famine in India.
Penny: You want me to put it back? *Said with mouth full of food *
Sheldon: Leonard!
Leonard: It upsets Sheldon when you play with the Sheldon.

Zack: How can you bounce a laser off the moon if there's no gravity?

Sheldon: All right, we're going to be designing an experiment to look for the annihilation spectrum resulting from dark matter collisions in space.
Raj: Ooh, dark matter. We better bring a flashlight, ha, ha.
Sheldon stares at Raj.
Raj: I was making a joke.
Sheldon: I'm the boss. I make the jokes.
Raj: Sorry, go ahead and make your joke.
Sheldon: This is not the time for joking.

Sheldon: Where exactly does the half-sandwich come from? Are you giving me half of someone else's sandwich, or do I have to wait for someone in the restaurant to order the other half?

Raj: You can't wear the hands on the date.
Sheldon: Hulk sad!

Leonard: How about that, Einstein was wrong.
Penny: What?
Leonard: Approaching the speed of light doesn't slow down time, approaching them does.

Sheldon: What self-important preening fraud are they honoring this year?
Leonard: I'm so glad you asked it like that. You!

Leonard: I bet I could throw a rock in this room and come up with three better friends!

Howard: *Noticing Raj peeking through someone's window using the telescope* Oh, Raj, no. Billions of dollars have gone into inventing the Internet and filling it with pictures of naked women, so we don't have to peep through windows.

Sheldon: Excuse me. You're misusing the word 'ho'. It's an interjection used to call attention to a destination, not an object, as in 'land ho' or 'westward ho'.