Leonard: *Doing Mr. T impression while holding a action figure of Spock with Mr. T's head* I pity the fool who's illogical!

Leonard: Merry Newtonmas everyone.

Sheldon: What do you want?
Raj: We represent the Lollipop Guild and we want you!

Sheldon: (To his spot) Hello, old friend, Daddy's home.

Mrs. Cooper: By His hand we are all
Sheldon: Fed.
Mrs. Cooper: Give us, Lord, our daily
Sheldon: Bread.
Mrs. Cooper: Please know that we are truly
Sheldon: Grateful.
Mrs .Cooper: For every cup and every
Sheldon: Plateful.
Mrs. Cooper: Amen.

Bernadette: This isn't a nonfat yogurt, this is fatty-fat-fat!

Leonard: God, Sheldon. What the hell are you doing out there?
Sheldon: I heard a noise.
Leonard: It was us. We knocked over a lamp.
Sheldon: Why would you knock over a lamp?
Leonard: We were going to have...
Penny: He doesn't need to know what we were doing, Leonard.
Sheldon: Oh! No, she's right, I don't need to know what you were doing. Carry on.

Bernadette: (To Sheldon) Brush your teeth and go to bed!

Beverly Hofstadter: Why didn't you tell me you're tapping my home girl? Did I say that right?

Wolowitz: They're called tattoo sleeves. Put them on, have freaky sex with some freaky girl with her business pierced, take them off, and I can still be buried in a Jewish cemetery.

Leonard: No, her bed kind of ... broke.
Sheldon: That doesn't seem likely. Her bed's of sturdy construction. Even the addition
of a second normal size human being wouldn't cause a structural failure, much less a homunculus such as yourself.
Penny: A homunculus?
Leonard: Perfectly formed miniature human being.

Stuart: I will give you the address if you go to my cousin's wedding with me.
Penny: You're extorting a date out of me?
Stuart: I kinda have to. The cousin who's getting married is the cousin I usually go to weddings with.

Raj: Oh, beef, Im going to miss you so much. Do you know, at the Mumbai McDonald's, you can't get a Big Mac? All you can get is a Chicken Maharaja Mac. And the special sauce is curry, which in India, believe you me, is really not that special.

Sheldon: That seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through for intercourse. Don't you have access to women who will do it for money?

Mrs. Wolowitz Senior fitness was canceled. It turns out you can forget how to ride a bike. I'm fine, but, oy, did Sam Harpoolian eat gravel.
Howard: That's great, Ma!
Mrs. Wolowitz: What's great about an 80-year-old Armenian man with half his chin scraped off?