Sheldon: Oh yes, canine football fans are a common sight in Texas. Cats, however, refuse to wear sporting apparel. My sister found that out the hard way.

Sheldon: That seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through for intercourse. Don't you have access to women who will do it for money?

Beverly Hofstadter: Why didn't you tell me you're tapping my home girl? Did I say that right?

Sheldon: Now, Introduction to Physics. What is physics? Physics comes from the ancient Greek word physika. It's at this point that you'll want to start taking notes. Physika means the science of natural things. And it is there, in ancient Greece, that our story begins.
Penny: Ancient Greece?
Sheldon: Hush. If you have questions, raise your hand. It's a warm summer evening, circa 600 BC. You've finished your shopping at the local market, or agora, and you look up at the night sky. There you notice some of the stars seem to move, so you name them planetes, or "wanderer". Yes, Penny?
Penny: Um, does this have anything to do with Leonard's work?
Sheldon: This is the beginning of a twenty six hundred year journey we're going to take together from the ancient Greeks through Isaac Newton to Niels Bohr to Erwin Schrodinger to the Dutch researchers that Leonard is currently ripping off.
Penny: Twenty six hundred years?
Sheldon: Yeah, give or take. As I was saying, it's a warm summer evening in ancient Greece…

Leonard: I haven't seen him this stuck since he tried to figure out the third Matrix movie.

Penny: Wow, Sheldon, I cannot believe you made up your own game.
Sheldon: Oh, Research Lab is more than just a game. It's like the slogan says, the physics is theoretical, but the fun is real.

Sheldon: *Knock Knock Knock* Penny. *Knock Knock Knock* Penny.
Penny: *Opening her door* ... Penny.
Sheldon: That's just wrong.

Mrs. Wolowitz Senior fitness was canceled. It turns out you can forget how to ride a bike. I'm fine, but, oy, did Sam Harpoolian eat gravel.
Howard: That's great, Ma!
Mrs. Wolowitz: What's great about an 80-year-old Armenian man with half his chin scraped off?

Penny: Oh, thank you very much. Come back soon. With the other half of my tip.

Sheldon: That's not afternoon. That's prevening.
Howard: What?
Sheldon: It's a time of day I invented. It better defines the ambiguous period between afternoon and evening. Prevening. I'm fairly certain it will catch on as it fills a desperate need.
Raj: Right, okay. What are you doing tomorrow prevening?
Sheldon: Well, tomorrow's Saturday. Saturday night is laundry night, so I'll be spending the prevening pre-sorting and pre-soaking.

Raj: Do you believe you're going to go to hell for eating sweet and sour pork?
Wolowitz: Jews don't have hell. We have acid reflux.

Howard: So Sheldon, how's it feel to be beaten up by a girl?
Sheldon: It's not the first time. I have a twin sister whose assaults began in utero.

Leonard: Why do I always have to carry the heavy stuff?
Sheldon: Well, it's very simple. In our ragtag of scientists with nothing to lose, I'm the smart one, Wolowitz is the funny one, and Koothrappali is the lovable foreigner who struggles to understand our ways and fails, and that leaves you, by default, as the muscle.
Leonard: One more floor, and I'd be the pulled muscle.

Leonard: What have you been doing for the past six months?
Raj: You know, checking email, updating my Facebook status, messing up Wikipedia entries. Did you know Netflix lets you stream movies on your computer now?

Howard: I'll bet your Meemaw didn't just have sex to have your mother, I bet she had sex because she liked it.
Sheldon: Stop it!
Raj: Yeah, Meemaw did the nasty.
Sheldon: I said stop it!
Howard: We're getting to him.