Penny: You want to talk about crazy mothers, Leonard's mom wouldn't give him any sort of approval growing up.
Priya: Oh, the poor thing.
Penny: It makes him desperate to please women. That's why the foreplay goes on and on.
Priya: It does, doesn't it?
Penny: It's like he's trying to win a prize. A word of advice, don't doze off. You will never hear the end of it.

Leonard: Every once in a while, before we'd go to bed, I'd put on a little show for her.
Raj: What do you mean, a show?
Leonard: Well, you know, the way I took my clothes off.
Raj: Like, to music?
Leonard: I'd look pretty stupid if there was no music.
Raj: So you'd do a striptease?
Leonard: I wasn't swinging around a pole.
Raj: Good, good.
Leonard: There was one time I put body glitter on.
Raj: Well, I don't think you have to worry about Penny telling my sister that.
Leonard: No, she wouldn't.
Raj: Your big problem is me telling her.
Leonard: You really are a mean little man.

Bernadette: She thinks she got food poisoning from that deli and she just wanted to make sure I was okay.
Howard: And are you?
Bernadette: No, because I'm engaged to a putz! You let me believe I was the reason she had a heart attack.
Howard: Well, based on the available evid-
Bernadette: Shut up! She said I'm a wonderful girl and that you're lucky to have me.
Howard: Where are you going?
Bernadette: (sounding like Mrs. Wolowitz) To the toilet! Is that okay with you?

Howard: Is it just me, or does she sound sexy when she's angry?

Mrs. Koothrappali: I'll sleep so much better when you move back here next month.
Leonard: You're moving back to India?
Dr. Koothrappali: Who's that?
Mrs. Koothrappali: Oh my God! There's someone in your apartment. Call the police in America!

Priya: Oh, hello, Leonard. What a pleasant surprise! Mummy, Daddy, you remember Rajesh's friend Leonard.
Dr. Koothrappali: I thought you said Rajesh was out with his friends.
Priya: He has many friends.
Dr. Koothrappali: Rajesh has many friends?
Mrs. Koothrappali: Why are you lying to us?

Amy: Oh, my metatarsals are barking.

Leonard: Excuse me, but Einstein had a pretty busy sex life.
Sheldon: Yes, and he never unified gravity with the other forces. If he hadn't been such a hound dog, we'd all have time machines.

Sheldon: I trust Penny will adhere to the Official California Restaurant Workers Solemn Oath of Ethics and Cleanliness.
Amy: I don't believe there's any such thing.
Sheldon: (To Leonard) You lied to me?

Raj: Hello, Mummy. Hello, Daddy. How are you?
Mrs. Koothrappali: We're very rich in a very poor country. So, all in all, can't complain.

Leonard: Oh, Dr. Siebert, twelve o'clock.
Howard: Why's the president of the university slumming in the cafeteria?
Sheldon: Perhaps he's emulating Shakespeare's Henry V, who dressed as a commoner and mingled among them, to find out how he was being perceived by his subjects. Course, if he'd have read any of the thirteen hundred e-mails I've sent him on the subject of his administration, he could have saved himself the trouble.

Leonard: You okay?
Amy: Yeah, yeah. I'm just breaking in some new shoes.
Leonard: Very pretty.
Amy: Thank you. Did you know that women wear high heels to make the buttocks and breasts more prominent?
Leonard: Hadn't really thought about it.
Amy: Look.
Leonard: Uh, sure. Very ... prominent.
Amy: Please, Leonard, don't leer. You have a girlfriend.

Wyatt: I thought we were past the days when you would try to pull the wool over my eyes. Telling me the baggie in your underwear drawer is potpourri? And the pee stick in your bathroom is to check for diabetes?

Amy: How come if we're the smart people, we don't do this every night?
Sheldon: What's sixteen times 14?
Amy: My burps taste like cranberry juice.
Sheldon: And there's your answer.

Amy: She always this crabby when she urinates?
Bernadette: We're really not that close.