Howard: (Slams his car door) Will you please talk some sense into your lunatic roommate?
Leonard: You're both acting like lunatics!

Sheldon: I've never knocked on my own door before. That was a wild ride.

Raj: Aren't you gonna to eat lunch?
Howard: Nah, I blew my food allowance on Pokemon cards.

Leonard: I got them on Amazon.
Stuart: Sure, I get it. Why support a friend when you can support a multinational conglomerate that is crushing the life out of that friend?
Leonard: I know, but when I shop online I can do it on the toilet.
Stuart: Have you seen my store? The whole place is a toilet.

Sheldon: Well, the equation balances, but it's certainly not elegant.
Kripke: Whatever. Did you get any last night?
Sheldon: Yes.
Kripke: Gave it to her good, huh?
Sheldon: No, I gave it to her well.

Professor Proton: I power a clock with a potato.
Penny: Shut up! You can do that? I mean ... wouldn't that solve the world's energy crisis?
Professor Proton: No.

Raj: Uncle Howard, Cinnamon's here for her sleepover party.
Howard: You know if you had a stroke, she'd eat you, right?
Raj: And it would be my pleasure to be her num-num.

Howard: Fine, I'm taking your diploma.
Sheldon: Go ahead. That's the only doctorate you'll ever get.

Raj: How do you sleep in these things? Silk pajamas on satin sheets? I slid out of the bed like 3 times.

Leonard: You know we could throw a dinner party too. Maybe even ask everyone to get dressed up.
Penny: Sure. Just when you say dressed up, you mean nice clothes, right? Not like capes and tights and crap
Leonard: Yes. Although...
Penny: No.

Bernadette: Whoa, Drinky Smurf.

Amy: Oh, yeah. I'm a man-eater now.
Penny: Okay, for the final touch, this is an eyelash curler. You just place it on your lashes and squeeze it closed.
Amy: Oh, I don't know. Looks like something used by Tinkerbells gynecologist.
Penny: Who I hope for her sake is not Captain Hook.

Penny: What's-what's that?
Leonard: Uh, that is an integrated ion trap and time-of-flight mass spectrometer.
Penny: Wow. High-techie-techie. What's this little box?
Leonard: That is a pencil sharpener.
Penny: Ooh, low-techie-techie.

Penny: Now, ladies, we got a B-minus on this paper. I think if we put our heads together, on the next one we could get an A.
Bernadette: Uh, but we got you a B-minus on purpose to make it believable.
Penny: Believable? You saying I'm not smart?
Bernadette: No, no!
Amy: You're smart.
Penny: That's better.

Sheldon: My friend, Wil Wheaton.
Wil Wheaton: Hi, Sheldon. Thanks for having me. I’m excited to be here.
Sheldon: So, Wil, what do you have for us first?
Wil Wheaton: Well, this is an exciting one. This is the flag of the United Federation of Planets. Now what's interesting about this flag-
Amy: Cut.
Wil Wheaton: What was wrong with that?
Amy: It's called Fun with Flags. They're not at half-mast, nobody died. Let's try and keep it upbeat.