Penny: I got a new bikini. The drinks at the pool will be brought to you by these.

Santa: (By a cannon, pointed at Sheldon) This is for leaving me in the dungeon to be eaten alive by ogres!
Sheldon: Wait, uh, uh, hang on. In my defense
Santa: Ho, ho, ho, ya big dork. (Fires cannon)

Howard: Yeah, well, my quality father-son time was spending my adolescence looking out the window waiting for my dad to come back someday.
Raj: Yeah, okay, Howard wins.

Sheldon: People should take care of themselves.
Leonard: Oh, like yesterday when you made me drive you to the dry cleaners, the pharmacy and the post office?
Sheldon: I'm not saying people can't use tools. Even an otter picks up a rock when he wants a clam.

Leonard: Please be good, please be good. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay, she writes like she cooks.

Dimitri: What are you gonna do when you get back to Earth?
Wolowitz: Oh, I'm never going back.

Sheldon: I'll be Coop and he'll be Wheels. If he's okay with that.

Leonard: (To Penny) Way to hit 'em with both barrels.

Penny: Leonard Hofstadler...
Leonard: Yes?
Penny: Will you be my valentine?
Leonard: Sorry. Maybe next year. I'm just kidding! Romance ninja. Let's have sex.

Leonard: What are you doing?
Wolowitz: Well, he wasn't using it, and I needed some cool leather to wiggle my naked ass on.

Sheldon: Who would win in a fight, you or a shark?

Raj: I think the next time I have to speak to a call center in India, I'm going to try use an American accent.
Howard: Why?
Raj: Because when I use my regular voice, I feel like I'm making fun of them.

Raj: Can we change the subject? Spiders give me the jeebie-jeebies.
Howard: It's heebie-jeebies.
Raj: I know, but that sounds anti-Semitic.

Amy: Yeah, yeah, you want a cigarette. Well, I'd like a normal boyfriend. Deal with it.

Sheldon: I suppose there's no choice but to face the crying, angry accusations, and the high pitch wails of despair.
Penny: Yeah and who knows how Amy will react.