Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Dr. Wolcott? *knock knock knock* Dr. Wolcott? *knock knock knock* Dr. Wolcott? [sound of many locks clacking]
Howard: That's a lot of locks.
Leonard: Mm. That was a lot of knocks, they were made for each other.

Raj: Wow, I-I know you were single back then, but that is a lot of porn-
Howard: Science! A lot of science.
Leonard: Wow, you were really into Asian science.

Doctor Wolcott: Well, let me show you around. This is the chair where I do most of my thinking, my thinking about work. Now, my thinking about people who have wronged me, I do over there.
Sheldon: I've always said that I should get a grudge chair. Leonard, have I not always said that?
Leonard: Mm, you have, but you were worried you'd spend too much time in it.
Sheldon: Yeah. That is a real concern.

Sheldon: I'm just a regular guy, with a regular enemies list. Which, by the way, you are no longer on.
Wil Wheaton: Really? Well, that is something. It's not something that I care about, but it is something.

Raj: I thought you were boycotting Wil's show.
Sheldon: I was, but I decided to give it a shot, and I actually enjoyed it. Just out of curiosity, how did you come to be on the show? Did he ask you? Did you ask him? Did you just show up on the set and ring that doorbell?
Howard: Sheldon, if you want to be on the show, you're gonna have to apologize to Wil.
Sheldon: That would be the mature thing to do. Let's put a pin in that and keep thinking.

Amy: Penny gets 20 points for the sewing kit.
Sheldon: Yeah, minus five, because this is mine.

Howard: Are you guys working together on that meteorite project?
Sheldon: (sighs) Yes, fine, you found me out. I'm doing geology. Just, please, don't tell anyone.
Bert: Are you embarrassed of me?
Sheldon: Oh, no, no, no, not you. No, just the work that you've devoted your entire life to.

Amy: Now, if you'll excuse me, told Sheldon I was going to the market, so I'm taking some of your stuff. [raids the fridge] I was never here.
Leonard: Sometimes you don't see it 'cause she's next to Sheldon, but she's pretty weird.

Leonard: You having a good day?
Penny: No, I missed an audition because my computer broke, and I didn't get the e-mail. Would've been a perfect part for me.
Sheldon: Was it waitress who ignores her customers? Because that's the role you were born to play.
Penny: Shut up and eat your burger.
Sheldon: Actually, it's a turkey club.
Penny: Didn't you order a burger?
Sheldon: I did, and yet here we are.

Penny: You know what? It's fine. Write whatever you want. And by the way, Logan Dean can tell everyone he's five-eight, but he's not fooling anybody!

Leonard: Penny doesn't know how manipulative my mother can be. Did you know there's such a thing as reverse, reverse, reverse psychology? Because there is.

Sheldon: You know, studies have shown that people distracted by emotional issues are poor drivers.
Howard: What about people distracted by irritating passengers?
Sheldon: That would be hard to test, because irritating is a subjective quality.
Howard: Strongly disagree.

Sheldon: Well, it should be a scientist I respect. You know, someone with a pleasing voice and symmetrical facial features.
Bernadette: Is he talking about himself?
Penny: If he's talking, he's talking about himself.

Howard: I can't believe her. She knows I don't want to name the baby after her dad.
Amy: What did you want to name him?
Howard: I don't know. We were gonna wait until we saw what he looked like.
Amy: Well, it's a baby. Her dad's a wrinkly bald man. That wasn't gonna break your way.

Leonard: I want to know, why aren't you proud of me?
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, isn't the real question, "Why aren't you proud of yourself?"
Leonard: No, that is a question - and I ask it a lot - but let's stick with the one I asked you.
Beverly Hofstadter: But why do you think I'm not proud of you?
Leonard: Because you never say it. But two days into chatting with Penny, and you can't stop telling her how great she is.
Beverly Hofstadter: She is great. Honestly, of all of my children's spouses, she's the one that I'm most impressed by.
Leonard: Seriously?
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes. She's confident, she's thoughtful, and she never complained about you once. I know what kind of strength that takes.