Howard: Is she single?
Bernadette: I'm not setting her up with Raj.
Howard: What about Stuart?
Bernadette: Are you listening? I want her to think I'm not mean.
Howard: Okay. Well, it's just we have two single friends.
Bernadette: Howie, I just met this woman. Why don't I wait a little and get to know her? Maybe I won't like her, and then I'd be happy to ruin her life with Stuart or Raj.
Howard: That's all I ask.

Amy: So, you guys lived with Sheldon for a long time-
Leonard: Long time.
Penny: So very long.
Leonard: By the way, congratulations again on your engagement.
Penny: Yeah, you got a good one.

Stuart: And, you know, Raj, I think it's great that you no longer live off your parents like a spoiled child. You live over someone's garage like a failed adult.
Raj: Yeah, well, you live with her.
Bernadette: Oh, it's not like that. He rents a room from me and my husband. Who, by the way, is no prize, either.

Stuart: Ruchi said she wanted to hang out with both of us. Why don't we just do that?
Raj: Oh, fine. Let's hang out as friends and see what happens.
Leonard: Yeah, and if something grows out of it, just worry about it then.
Stuart: Also what my doctor said.

Raj: Look, Ruchi and I are really hitting it off. Please let me just have this one!
Stuart: I'm not going anywhere. I'm like a fungus you can't get rid of.
Ruchi: Sorry. So what's going on?
Raj: Oh, you just missed Stuart's funny story about the fungus he can't get rid of.

Amy: What happened to your other flip-flop?
Sheldon: Oh, well, that involves what I am telling myself was a melted candy bar.

Raj: Oh, hey, hey, what do you think?
Bernadette: Just because it's a boy, I don't think you need to put a picture of genitals on his shirt.
Raj: But that's a baseball bat with two little baseballs. Okay, and now I see it.

Howard: Amy, your lab is amazing. A C-arm fluoroscope, a cranial ultrasound, (gasps), and look at that coffee maker!
Amy: I know. On our expense report, I listed it as "Eduardo", my Colombian lab assistant.

Sheldon: And today, boys and girls, we're going to have fun with science. Did you know you could calculate the mass of an electron using household items? It's true. All you'll need is a pencil, some paper, dry ice, rubbing alcohol, and a spool of 50-micron-thick cobalt-60 wire. And, remember, don't put it in your mouth, or instead of becoming a scientist, you'll become wildly radioactive.

Ruchi: Are you sure you're okay with this?
Raj: Honestly, Ruchi, I don't have a lot of experience with casual relationships. I have some experience with serious relationships and a ton of experience with no relationships.

Amy: What do you want to watch?
Sheldon: Oh, why don't you pick.
Amy: Okay, how about comedy?
Sheldon: Eh, I already laughed today.
Amy: I know. It was when I stubbed my toe.
Sheldon: (chuckles) Still funny.
Amy: Drama?
Sheldon: Nah, I've already seen someone cry today.
Amy: It really hurt, Sheldon!

Raj: Well, so you're on his side?
Penny: I'm just saying, that's what friends do. You know, they bust on each other. It doesn't mean anything.
Leonard: Well, I'm not surprised you think so.
Penny: Why is that?
Leonard: Well, you can be kind of mean to me.
Penny: Well, that's because you're- Wow. I don't know how to finish that sentence, either.

Raj: I mean, do you think it's too soon for her to be dating? If you and Bernadette broke up, like, how long would you wait?
Howard: Oh, well, I don't even want to think-
Bernadette: Eight days.
Howard: What?
Bernadette: Two days to cry. Six days to hit the gym.
Howard: First of all, you already look amazing.
Bernadette: Aw, that's sweet.
Howard: I'm gonna give him an extra day of crying.

Raj: Hey, why didn't you invite him in the first place?
Sheldon: You don't know what it was like growing up with him.
Raj: I get it; I grew up with lots of brothers. My brother Adoot was especially mean.
Leonard: Really? I've never heard you mention Adoot.
Raj: Yeah, sure I have. He's the one who left the door open when we were kids, and my pet mongoose ran away. Stupid Adoot.

Leonard: Look, I was just speaking the truth. We're scientists. Isn't that what we're supposed to do?
Sheldon: Oh, what would you know about the truth? You thought Phantom Menace was "not half bad."
Leonard: I told you that in confidence!