Raj: Bad news, the Nigerian prince maybe a fraud.

Penny: (Reading tweet) "Listening to Dr. Cooper has made me wanna start cutting myself again."

Sheldon: I have a Masters degree and two Doctorates. The things I should know, I do know.

Wil Wheaton: (Imitating Jar Jar Binks) We-sa going to go into the movie now. Bye bye!

Leonard: No, she's real.
Mary Cooper: Did they sin?

Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, I found my girdle. It was in the dryer.
Howard: That's great, ma.
Mrs. Wolowitz I think it shrunk. I'm spilling out like the Pillsbury Doughboy here.

Howard: Hey, Raj, wanna see a new magic trick I've been working on?
Sheldon: Howard, if I may interject here with a piece of friendly advice. Is working on magic tricks really how you want to spend your time? Granted, you're just an engineer, but that doesn't mean you might not someday build a geegaw or a thingamabob that may get you a thank you in someone else's Nobel prize acceptance speech.

Mary Cooper: Now, don't you move. I'll bring over all the food.
Leonard: No, I can do it.
Mary Cooper: Well, isn't that sweet.

Sheldon: It's a shame our society mocks the differently uvulated.

Sheldon: Really, Amy? Tobacco and alcohol? Need I remind you not a lot of scientific discoveries were made by people having a good time?

Sheldon: (Trying to keep Leonard from reaching his room) Wait. Come back. Halt. Authorized personnel only.

Penny: Wait, why me? Why cant your girlfriend be Wonder Woman?
Howard: She and her lab team are under quarantine. Seems at the Christmas party they were doing Jell-O shots out of petri dishes that used to contain yellow fever.

Howard: Can you please just help me?
Althea: All right, all right. Hang on, stay calm. (Over the PA system) I need an orderly with a wheelchair. I got a robot hand grasping a man's penis out here.
Howard: You think you could be a little more discreet?
Althea: I'm sorry. We don't have a code for robot hand grasping a man's penis.

Sheldon: This isn't a desk. This is a Brobdingnagian monstrosity.
Raj: Is that the American idiom for giant, big-ass desk?
Sheldon: It's actually British.
Raj: Can you say it again for me?
Sheldon: Brobdingnagian.
Raj: One more time?
Sheldon: Brobdingnagian.
Raj: Now three times fast?
Sheldon: Brobdingnagian, Brobdingna-

Penny: Okay, well, anyways, I brought you a day-old cheesecake to cheer you up!
Sheldon: Stale pastry is hollow succor to a man who is bereft of ostrich.
Penny: Just say thank you.
Sheldon: I thought I just did.