Howard: Look, if you're not ready to go back to work, we'll figure something out.
Bernadette: No, I'll be fine.
Stuart: It might be good for her. Howard's mother was around him all the time, and he's a world-class mama's boy.
Howard: (scoffs) I mean, wh-why would you say that?
Stuart: Go ahead, have a tantrum; that'll prove me wrong.

Zack: Hey, we should all have dinner sometime.
Penny: Uh, yeah, sure, I'll check with Leonard.
Zack: Cool, I'll check with Sara. (To his phone) Sara, pull up my calendar. It never works for me.

Sheldon: I feel so betrayed. You know, all my life I thought Uncle Sam was a friendly uncle who brought you presents. Turns out he's the other kind.

Sheldon: That may be true, but Dr. Nowitzki's just a friend. In fact, I wouldn't have even noticed she's a woman if she hadn't worn that bathing suit that highlighted her bosom.

Penny: Okay, I'm confused. Which one is Mr. Robot?
Leonard: I'll give you a hint. We're watching Daredevil.

Howard: Look at you. Willy Wonka would roll you to the juicing room.

Guy #2: Ready to go?
Guy: Hang on. This guy's telling me how he got the Serial Ape-ist girl to marry him.
Guy #2: This guy? But he's wearing a change maker.
Penny: I think it's hot.
Leonard: That's right. I'm her change daddy.

Howard: Huh, they screwed up and gave us steamed broccoli.
Raj: Oh, no, that's mine.
Leonard: Really? The last green thing I saw you eat was a Skittle.

Amy: Well, I do appreciate you working on this. I'm sorry you were embarrassed.
Sheldon: And now I understand that some things are just between you and me, and in the event of redness and swelling, Dr. Fink.

Raj: Don't you even feel a little bad sponging off your friends?
Stuart: Hey, look, I went to art college, I tried to make it as a graphic artist, a comic book artist, and you know what I got for my efforts? A visible rib cage. I'm not kidding. You can see my heart beating.

Sheldon: Gentlemen, the most interesting thing just happened with this spoon.
Howard: Unless it was singing "Be Our Guest," I doubt it.

Amy: Okay, fine, let's say you never win a Nobel Prize. Let's say you spend your life doing solid scientific research surrounded by friends and loved ones who appreciate you, not for what you've accomplished but for who you are as a man. Wouldn't that be a life well-lived?
Sheldon: You're so cute. I'm going to go learn how to walk on stilts.
Amy: So many warnings.

Penny: You threatened to sue?
Bernadette: Hey, I learned a long time ago, when you're four feet eleven and eye level with every guy's crotch, that's where you punch.
Penny: That's funny. I learned something totally different.

Amy: You know, I like harp lessons, but I'm thinking of switching to elevator repair lessons.

Penny: Oh, hey, and do yourself a favor, all right? When Beverly gets here, do not bring up last night.
All right? As far as you're concerned, you don't know anything, you didn't see anything. I want you just to play dumb.
*Beverly is standing in the doorway behind Penny, listening to the conversation*
Sheldon: It was nice of her to show us playing dumb with an example.