Sheldon: Uh, One dumpling left. Who wants it?
Amy: Maybe you should offer it to the pregnant lady.
Sheldon: And that would be..?
Bernadette: Me, Sheldon. I'm obviously pregnant.
Sheldon: Well, you never said it to my face. And the last time I assumed a woman was pregnant, it did not go over well.
Penny: Yeah, I'm still mad at you.
Sheldon: You were drinking water instead of wine. What was I supposed to think?

Amy: Okay, what's the next test?
Sheldon: Loyalty. We need to choose someone who has our backs, someone who will keep our secrets even from each other.
Amy: Well, I don't have any secrets from you. Do you have secrets from me?
Sheldon: Yes. Oh, that has been weighing on me for years.

Sheldon: So the next time someone on the playground tells you you can only use integral values for the matrix that determines the spin of the anti-proton, you stop being friends with that kid, 'cause he's going nowhere.

Amy: The university has been throwing money at my study. With any luck, there'll be a brain disease with my name on it.
Bernadette: Fingers crossed.
Amy: Which is ironic, because if you had Fowler's palsy, you wouldn't be able to cross your fingers.

Raj: I thought you were boycotting Wil's show.
Sheldon: I was, but I decided to give it a shot, and I actually enjoyed it. Just out of curiosity, how did you come to be on the show? Did he ask you? Did you ask him? Did you just show up on the set and ring that doorbell?
Howard: Sheldon, if you want to be on the show, you're gonna have to apologize to Wil.
Sheldon: That would be the mature thing to do. Let's put a pin in that and keep thinking.

Howard: Look at this cute picture of Halley in the bath.
Leonard: Aw, that's great.
Howard: Want me to send it to you?
Leonard: No, on your phone it's cute, on my phone it's a crime.

Leonard: How about you?
Howard: Oh, that depends on whether I tell Bernadette or not.
Bernadette: Howard, I can hear you. The baby monitor is on.
Howard: I know. I was joking. I'm gonna put it in a college fund. (Mimes saying no)

Penny: All right, just give her some space, all right? Don't call, don't text, don't e-mail.
Raj: That's crazy. What if I see a sunset that reminds me of her?

Sheldon: What do you think will make the wedding worse for Amy, a cake made with salt instead of sugar or a cake iced with congealed gravy?
Leonard: That is a trick question. The answer is: you as the groom.

Howard: I can't believe her. She knows I don't want to name the baby after her dad.
Amy: What did you want to name him?
Howard: I don't know. We were gonna wait until we saw what he looked like.
Amy: Well, it's a baby. Her dad's a wrinkly bald man. That wasn't gonna break your way.

Sheldon: You know, studies have shown that people distracted by emotional issues are poor drivers.
Howard: What about people distracted by irritating passengers?
Sheldon: That would be hard to test, because irritating is a subjective quality.
Howard: Strongly disagree.

Sheldon: Well, luckily, I got the number of the company who's trying to reboot the show, so I need you all to call and register your displeasure.
Raj: Sheldon, no one's gonna do that.
Sheldon: Not true. I know of three calls they've received already: a Southern gentleman, um, a Cockney chimney sweep, and, uh, Mr. T, hmm? Who - spoiler alert - pities the fool who tries to reboot that show.

Wil Wheaton: [on TV] It's time for Professor Proton's science joke of the day. Why can you not trust atoms?
Sheldon: Hmm.
Wil Wheaton: [on TV] Because they make up everything.
Sheldon: Oh, that's funny! Yeah, because they do. They make up everything.

Howard: You don't even have a license.
Sheldon: Actually, I do.
Howard: Really? Since when?
Sheldon: Three years ago. I went on a bit of a license kick. I'm also a commercial fisherman.

Penny: What's up?
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, I enjoyed our conversation the other day, and I was hoping to continue it.
Penny: Really?
Beverly Hofstadter: Uh, yes. You may find this surprising, but I don't have a lot of what you would call girlfriends.
Penny: (exaggerated) What?
Beverly Hofstadter: Of course, there are my female colleagues, but, uh, they're all Freudians, so the only boy that I can dish about is my father. (chuckles)